Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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