I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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