The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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