remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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