You just made me feel so damn special
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
