we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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