Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
