Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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