i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
