shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
