If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
