So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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