This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
