In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
