There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
