Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
