the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
