mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
