I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Randomize
