clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
