life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
