I'm gonna have a badass scar
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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