i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize