I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
