My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
