just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
