I looked at my own cervix.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
