I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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