Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
