just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
