so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
