I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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