The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
