Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
