We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
40s are totally the cure
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
