why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
