Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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