It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
