I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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