found the other keg... it's in the tree
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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