You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
