My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize