Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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