so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
