i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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