I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
