No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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