Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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