i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
