don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
