I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
