i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
