Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
