neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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