hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Even my vagina gasped.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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