Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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