well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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