I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Randomize
