Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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