dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
