are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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