You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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