In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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