based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
