My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
