god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
