You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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