Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
