So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
