Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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