naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I checked into jail on foursquare
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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