I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
