dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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